The Joke Thread

[Blackfoot]

How 'bout a joke thread?

Here's a few to get it started. :lol:

Several bystanders ran over to help the victim of an auto accident. A woman got there first, but a man pushed her away, saying, "Step aside, lady. I know first aid!" The woman watched for a while before tapping the man on the shoulder. "Excuse me," she said, "but when you get to the part about calling for a doctor, I'm right here!"


"Little Johnny, do you know your numbers?" "Yes, teacher, I do! My father taught me." "Good. What comes after three?" "Four," answered Little Johnny. "Good. What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good, Johnny, your father did a good job. Now, what comes after ten?" "Jack!"


An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: "Don't try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked an audience member. "Well, when I was first married, I watched my wife's routine at breakfast. She made many trips between the refrigerator, stove and sink, often carrying a single item at a time. I told her, 'You're wasting time carrying one thing at a time. Always carry several things at once.'" "And did that save time?" asked the audience member. "Yes. Yes, it did," replied the expert. "While it used to take my wife twenty minutes to make breakfast, now I do it in ten!"


Feel free to add here. We should probably try to keep them semi-clean. :roll:

[DrunkAuron]

8) cool good idea :wink: ill post some later

[Pagnell]

Two dogs sitting in a vets waiting room. They look at each other and start talking.

"What you here for?"

"Well, I'm here to be put down because I mauled one of my masters children. A madness overtook me because the little **** was pulling my tail."

"Thats terrible."

"I know. Sigh. What are you here for?"

"I just couldn't help myself. My nice blonde female owner had just gotten out of the shower and she was towelling herself dry when she bent over to dry her legs. It was just to much to resist if you know what I mean."

"Jee, that is terrible although I sort of understand. So, are you getting put down too?"

"No, I'm getting my nails clipped."

[fatalkeyv]

SEX IS JUST LIKE....

NOKIA-connecting people
NIKE-just do it
PEPSI-ask for more

8) 8)

[Blackfoot]

Pagnell, that was quite funny. :lol:

[Blackfoot]

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!”

His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the ass and shout, “WHO’S HORNY!?”……she acts like she is asleep every time.”

[nick1257]

How do you make a woman come?

































who cares?

[Blackfoot]

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, “Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.”

The blind man replies, “If you would’ve put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus … so shut the hell up.”

[Pagnell]

A kid walks into his class two hours late.

"I'm sorry I'm late miss but my dad got burnt."

"Oh, no!" His teacher replies "I hope it wasn't too serious?"

"Well, they don't **** about at those crematoriums."

[Blackfoot]

A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name.

"Fred," he replies.

Fred what?" the officer asks.

"Just Fred," the man responds.

When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.

"Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS. I got bored doing Dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred."