Post some jokes!

[mikesta99]

AS THE TITLES STATES, POST AND/OR READ SOME JOKES

a man went to a psychologist because he could sleep because he thought

there were people under his bed, the psychologist said, "come back 2 times a

week for 6 months and we will kill those fears, for 85 dollars a visit. Time past

and the psychologist met the man on the street and asked "why havent you

come in to lose those fears?" The man then said "well, at 85 dollars a visit will

really add up! Anyways, I got cured by a bartender for onlt $10." The

psychologist said back "oohhhh really, and how did he cure you" " He told me

to cut the legs off my bed, THere aint no people under there now!

A Conversation between a elderly couple

WIFE: Henry, would you remarry when I die?

HUSBAND: Heck NO!

WIFE: Why not? Dont you like being married

HUSBAND:Well yes :

WIFE: then why wouldnt you?

HUSBAND: Well, okay ill remarry

WIFE: You will? (With a hurt look in her face)

HUSBANDmakes audible groan)

WIFE:Will you live in our house?

HUSBAND: Yes of course its a great house

WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?

WIFE: Would you let her drive my car?

HUSBAND: Yes, its fairly new

WIFE: would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND That would seem like the right thing to do.

WIFE: Would you give her my jewelry?

HUSBAND: NO,She would like her own

WIFE: Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND: Yes, those are always happy times.

WIFE: would you give her my clubs?

HUSBAND: No, shes left handed

WIFE: -SILENCE-

A woman, standing nude
looks in the bedroom mirror
and says to her husband, "
I feel horrible, I look fat
and ugly. Pay me a
compliment.The husband
replies "your eyesights deamn
near perfect."
Hey Never Heardthe shot.

[Berserk_Fury]

I love the last one, the other two were meh.

[High Roller]

I liked the first one and the last one, i'll have a look for a few good ones later

[Agomae]

GTA:Chinatownwars.

[Monkey Business]

Originally Posted by Agomae

GTA:Chinatownwars.

[High Roller]

Originally Posted by Monkey Business

haha... hahahahahahahaha cool

[mim2134]

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

Some of these kids are wise beyond their years








You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids. FAMILY: Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE D O ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynn , age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10 (Martin is wise beyond his years)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that..
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. -- Rick, age 10

[mim2134]

* There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.

* A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

* The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!'.

* At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer, you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.

* Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."

* Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."

* Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.

* Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

* Hit any user to continue.

* I wish life had an UNDO function.

* If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.

* It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit in the drive.

* Microsoft Windows: computing While U Wait

* 665.9238429876 - Number of the Pentium Beast

* I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

* My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

* Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.

* "To know recursion, you must first know recursion"

* Life's unfair - but root password helps!

* Mountain Dew and doughnuts... because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

* Hey! It compiles! Ship it!

* "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

* Intel: We put the "um..." in Pentium.

* Helpdesk tip #2: When the support analyst says "Click...", wait for the rest of the sentence.

* BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

* BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!

* As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

* Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....

* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

* All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

* A good programmer makes all the right mistakes.

* Managing programmers is like herding cats.

* "There is an old saying that if a million monkeys typed on a million keyboards for a million years, eventually all the works of Shakespeare would be produced. Now, thanks to Usenet, we know this is not true."

* "A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street."

* C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

* A computer scientist is someone who, when told to "Go to [bleep]," sees the "go to," rather than the destination, as harmful.

* 1010011010 - The binary number of the Beast

[mim2134]

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

[mim2134]

How To Properly Load Vista*Video