Post some jokes!

[Kernel Kev]

ROFL



Kev

[psplayer]

seen it before

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[mim2134]

God Will Provide

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink. "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man. "I am a Torah scholar." he replies. "A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us." "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father. "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us." "And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?" "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiance. The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide. Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?" The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."

[mikesta99]

Is mims joke saying the fiancees father is going to provide there children???? LIKE WTF!!!!

[mim2134]

wow - you really thought about that didn't you?

[Monkey Business]

Originally Posted by mikesta99

Is mims joke saying the fiancees father is going to provide there children???? LIKE WTF!!!!

ROFL.

How long did you have to think about?

[mikesta99]

WTF?!?! I read it and posted.

[Monkey Business]

Lol I was joking, nevermind.

[scottie1984]

a guy went into the doctors and said i've got a bit of a headache..... the doctor says to him, "Do you masterbate", the guy confused answers, "Sometimes, why..."

the doctor says, "Its Magic - isn't it!!"

[mim2134]

One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!'

Listen mate ; don't waste your time down at the surgery, Mike replies. There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Clubcard points'.

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco. He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:


'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks'.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and 'pleasured himself' into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen.

He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results with a grin. The computer prints the following:






1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.


2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.


3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.


4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.


5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better....


Thank you for shopping at Tesco.